When I was around 16 I was watching a movie that starred Reece Witherspoon, and for the life of me, I cannot remember the damn name of the film. I remember in the film she said something about feeling like she wasn't made for the everyday typical life of settling down and having children. That single line has stayed with me like the devil on my shoulder, making sure to remind me to look for bigger and better things in life than the limitations of my hometown.
I know most people are quite content with that kind of life which is completely fine, you do you! Myself being the abnormal one; was looking for something outside the typical norm.
1 . Same Ol' Barstool, literally.
For me personally, I could only go to the same ol' dive bar, and circulate the same ol' dating pool as my friends, hook up with the same ol' jack rabbit so many times before thinking.. what if there is a hot Italian man out there waiting for me... on a beach... with muscles...(that's foreshadowing by the way).
Not some dude in Stettler, "The Heart of Alberta" stuffing his face on Wing Night Wednesday asking if you can pay for the bill since he classicly "forgot" his wallet. There's got to be more to life than this shit right?
Although when you're young and the only hobby you have is shot gunning beers, it's not so bad! Some of my favourite moments are when we were packed into one vehicle, on our way to Red Deer to hit up the dance floor with some cowboy who can't 2-step worth a shit at Billy Bob's!
2 . Oh you thought that was a secret? Think again.
The thing about small towns that we all love to hate is that everybody knows everybody and your business is the town's whether you like it or not and that's normal! Weird huh?
It seems every other day there is a new thing being said about you that isn't true, it's a never-ending circle you can't seem to escape. I feel you, I've been there!
Remember that guy you went to Wing Night with? Well, guess what? Kathy spotted you there, said you were all over him, oh yeah, it's all over her Facebook page and now you're set to be wed next spring with a baby on the way. Seem familiar?
3 . Hard to Break the Narrative
Being in my small town made me realize that certain people have nothing better to do than gossip about each other's lives, myself included, because what else do you do? I felt controlled by the narrative I thought I had to live to keep people off my back. You start to conform to a lifestyle you aren't sure you even want to live.
The pressure is there, you feel like you need to know exactly what you want to do when you leave high school. Then you go to school, get your degree, find a partner somewhere in there, have 3 dogs (they have to be huskies), settle down, have kids, be a stay-at-home parent, and so on and so forth without ever setting foot outside the country. Ich...
4. You've got a friend, their name is Birdy and they won't shut the hell up.
That little birdy in your ear that has been nagging at you for years now, making you spiteful, making you wish you were doing all the things you see others do through their photos.
You need to listen to Birdy. When you do a lot of things start to make sense, you start to realize life is simple but also complex and that it goes by too fast. It is never too late to go on a new adventure and when you finally start listening to that birdy which turns out to be your conscious, things start falling into place like they were always meant to.
5. The walls are closing in
You're panicked, what do you want to do with your life? At 18 it seems like the walls may be closing in, you feel inadequate because you don't know what to do. Trust me, baby, you are not alone, and you have so much time to figure it out!
At 18 I was panicked too! I had no idea what I wanted to do even though my friends were already getting accepted into colleges. The world was yelling at me to just FIGURE IT THE F OUT buuuut I do have this little problem of committing to things and if my heart isn't set on it, then I ain't doing it. Ask my parents about that one.
6. It ain't worth the money, but other things are!
If you are sitting there, looking at college courses and just trying to pick something... anything, think about the loans. Think about the money you will have to eventually pay back... will it be worth it? If the answer is yes, then amazing, apply away!
If the answer is no... good! I am glad you are realizing it now, rather than 2 years into that degree. But dig deep, what are you truly passionate about, what would make you the happiest in this moment? Screw what anybody else thinks, what do YOU want to do?
I couldn't justify going to college and taking out loans for something I wasn't sure I even wanted to pursue just for the sake of saying I was headed to college.
Think about the money you could use towards school, now think about that going towards travel or something you are actually passionate about. Gets you excited, right?
7. You're too comfortable
Every day is the same routine, day in and day out. And if that makes you happy, great, buuuut does the thought of "could it be different" ever start to creep up? Welcome back birdy!
When you travel, your comfort zone is shattered almost immediately when you cross the security terminal line. Your adrenaline starts pumping and maybe you start questioning if this was the right choice, because I know when I was crying and kissing my mom goodbye I asked myself "what in the hell am I doing?"
But this is what life is all about. Breaking down your comfort zone and figuring it all out for yourself.
8. You crave spontaneity
Let's be real, there isn't much to do in your hometown, as we've discussed before. Sure you can venture off to the mountains, which is great, baby steps! But there is always a plan involved... more or less.
IMAGINE, deciding in the moment when, what, who, why and how you want to do something. There is absolutely nothing like the thrill of jumping into a van with fellow backpackers you just met and seeing where the road takes you.
(No mom and dad.. I never did this.. ever...)
9. Questioning the realness behind your friendships
One huge lesson if not the biggest, is when you put literal physical distance between you and your friends. Venturing off on your own and finally putting yourself first will show you exactly what friends will choose to show up, even in different time zones.
What I have grown to learn is that you want friends around you who support your growth, and are your biggest cheerleaders behind the scenes, they are the ones who truly have your back and some of those are ones I have found even while travelling!
When I decided to travel with no real plan of when I would be back, I had a feeling I would be losing friends. When you decide to pick yourself, people can view that as selfish, I viewed it as healing. Read that again.
10. You need space to love yourself
Travelling by myself gave me the space to realize what love wasn't. It gave me the space to heal, to figure out how to love, how I want to be loved, who deserves my love and where to find love within myself (cliche right?) But it's true!
We don't want to say it out loud but sometimes we are pressured into making relationships work even when they don't. It's hard to admit when we've failed at love, the one thing we all hope for but when you start letting the bad outweigh the good, maybe space is the one thing you need to figure all of it out. A little margarita on a beach wouldn't be too shabby either!
IN CONCLUSION
I was once a panicked 18-year-old freshly graduated kid trying to decide whether to go to college once too. But instead, I booked a one-way ticket to the other side of the world so that I never really had to make a decision! When you think about it... I kind of did. But... YAAAAH! Track me down there betches!
AND THANK GOD I DID. Because it changed my life. It freed me from the pressures that I constantly felt were holding me back from finding my own potential. I could finally breathe. I was out in the world experiencing life itself, calling the shots (also taking them), making dumb decisions (constantly) and figuring myself out along the way.
Now I didn't stay over there forever, money doesn't grow on trees, but I finally found something worth spending the money on. Experiences! I scuba-dived with sharks... the most I swam with in Alberta is the fear of getting hives in Buffalo Lake.
MY POINT IS... If you can relate to anything that I have spoken about, then you know what you gots to do my friend.
BOOK THE TICKET & GET THE HECK OUTTA THEEEREEE.
Just think about all the fishies that are out there in the sea, and not just the same ones with hooks in their mouths from the same pond out back.
Travelling doesn't even need to be across the world like dramatic ol' me, it could even be to your nearest, biggest city! Can you imagine a clean slate? To go somewhere no one knows your name or the baggage you carry with you? And the only reason they know about that baggage is because you decided to tell them, not to have someone tell them for you.
YES, it can be scary. YES, it will be intimidating. BUT, you will not regret it. ALTHOUGH you may regret certain people along the way... but that's neither here nor there, live ya life, you only got one! Just please, live it with protection, if you're catching my drift!
At 18 the world seems small, intense and actively out to get you but take a gap year (don't tell your parents I convinced you), stay there, do some self-discovery, spend the money, and I promise you, you'll be on your way.
This is your sign to get your fun, loveable fine ass out there and see the world and experience everything!
TOP TIP: If you go to a ping pong show in Thailand, IT IS NOT A PING PONG SHOW, and do not go with your brother.
Keep swimming, little fishy ❤️
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